shell shock

i suppose i should start with yesterday. it was, as many know, my 22nd, and to celebrate, i got up at the ass crack of dawn and did inventory and spent three hours in the porn room looking at 50+ penises. so then i went home, got a shower, had many delightful singing phone calls, and went out to eat with my mom. on the way to e ville she was like, hey we should go to a movie. i was like, ok. then she chimed in with, hey, let's go to the boat. i hesitated, as i hate gambling and, even worse, gambling on a river boat without even the pretense of class, but she convinced me to try something new. and then she called cory and asked him to come. my mom called him and asked him out. and met his family, when she insisted on going to the door herself. i do not fault mom for this, of course, she was just trying to make my birthday good. but how awkward is it to be the third wheel on a date with your mom and the guy you were then seeing? so it was strange to say the least.
i woke up this morning and felt like something was wrong. i stayed in the shower a long time and sang ansty ani difranco songs. and i came out and had three messages. my boss quit this morning. just turned in her keys and left. and our assistant manager is leaving next month. so for the next few months, i might have to step up a little around the store. and so i call cory to talk to him about it, and he doesn't make me feel better and i tell him we need to talk because he makes me feel ugly because he never puts a hand on me anymore. that sounds stupid, but it's how i felt. so we broke it off. and i actually did feel very relieved afterwards because we make better friends. so then i came home and talked to my mom. and then i went and quit my job at skateway. of course, it occurs to me it was probably a bad move to make such an important decision on what has obviously been a stressful day, but i hate that job. i hate skating. and i hate punky-ass little kids. and i was going to quit next month anyway.
so now i know that i am going wake up in the morning and everything is going to be different. and right now i am actually a little shell-shocked i think. you know how you feel after breaking something like that off, when you know it was right to do it, and your better off the way things are now, but you still feel sort of lousy? it's not a heartbreak feeling or a bitter feeling. it's a melancholy feeling, like now you're back at square one. and i don't even know how to handle jackie just quitting. i don't even know what to feel about it. i just know that i need to take care of business, literally, so that's what i'll. and skatewat can kiss my ass. fucking kids. the only person i'd really miss is my boss out there, david, who is a ridiculously hot older man, and he is thinking about getting a job at movie gallery during the days. so i win.
i will probably have more to write about this later. right now, i'm very numb and tired.